Pass This Bitches!--The Reader, Friend or Foe?

This past Saturday I was fortunate enough to attend a very informative workshop with Julie Gray while attending the Broad Humor Film Festival.  The topic was: The World of Readers.  I know what you're thinking. Who gives a shit?  I thought it for a second too.  But quickly I realized how this knowledge would help me get an edge over the rest.

Julie started by describing the conditions under which our scripts are read. There's a hierarchy in the world of readers.  When they start out, they have to read for crappy companies and work their way up.  On average, they get paid $60 a script.  That means they have to read 3-4 scripts a day to make a living.  Although some companies are distributing scripts via e-mail, a lot are still very protective and will only use hard copies.  This means the readers have to drive all over town to pick up scripts and they don’t get reimbursed for mileage.  If they get a call and they turn down a screenplay, they risk not being called again, so the successful readers never turn down work.  Also, they get no benefits and no health or dental insurance. 

You have to assume they’re not reading your script at 9:00 a.m. with a delicious cup of coffee, but at 11:00 p.m. with a toothache, (remember, no dental insurance) and still two more scripts to go.  The first thing they do is turn to the last page to see how long it is.  If it’s more than 110 pages, you’ve started really badly.  Next, they read the title, which sets the mood.  Then, they dump the brads in a bucket and start speed reading.  They just read and do not think.  If problems that start to come up, they start to think and that slows down the read.

They have to read the whole script so that others don’t have to. Readers can only afford devote 2.5 hours to covering a script.  It takes them about an hour to read and the rest for writing the coverage.  Coverage is basically 2-3 pages of synopsis and 1.5 pages of comments and notes.  If the synopsis is dull, guess what else was dull?  Yup. Our script.  And dull makes the readers very, very cranky.

Their world is a mine field.  There are politics involved and they do have to read a lot of crappy fluff because of who's attached.  However, honest, objective readers succeed and are willing to risk their jobs for a great script.  Julie reiterated that readers love nothing more than reading a great script.  If they come across a RECOMMEND, they call a 24/7 phone number.  That’s the executive’s number.  The response is always: “Great. Now thanks to you I have to read this weekend.” But they're willing to duke it out and defend the script.

Basically, it’s up to us to make either friends or enemies from readers.  It’s on you to make it easier on yourself, and Julie was kind enough to tell us how.

Top Ten (Actually Eleven) Reader Hates

11.  Script is too long.  This means it’s over 120 pages and it signals that the writer does not have control over her story.  Writers should try to hit the 100-110 sweet spot.  Comedy and horror scripts should be around 100 pages. Minimum page count is 90 pages.  "But so and so's script won an Oscar and it was 160 pages--"  You're not so and so and that's an exception.  Again, do you want to make it easier on yourself or not?

10.  Sending weird shit with the script. Yes, as bizarre as it sounds, people do that. It makes you look like an amateur. Resist all temptation to send the hilarious monkey that's in your script.

9.  Nothing happens.  Readers see this all the time.  They call them BOSH scripts: Bunch of Shit Happens.  These scripts are usually episodic, derivative and very boring.

As you can see, she’s getting crankier.

8.  Schizophrenic scripts.  Screenplays that are all over the place that make the reader ask “What am I reading?”  They can’t discern the genre and the tone changes from scene to scene.  This means the writer doesn’t know what they're doing and what story they are telling.

7.  Sluglines that suck and clutter the page.  A lot of times writers read shooting scripts and use that format.  You do not need to repeat the slugline over and over.  If you’re creative and know cinematic language, you can use sluglines to your advantage.  Why say INT. HOUSE when you can say INT. CRUMBLING SHACK?  That also eliminates description in the action line.  Take every opportunity to seduce with colorful words.

They love mini sluglines.  Here’s an example:

INT. MANSION--DAY

IN THE KITCHEN

Jane drops her panties. Joe gets on his knees.

Lubricate the read.  

Also, you do not need to keep repeating it’s day.  It’s DAY until it’s not DAY anymore.  It’s NIGHT until it’s not NIGHT anymore.

And crankier…

6.  Lame two-dimensional characters who do not seem to have a backstory or no other life besides the plot.  Characters are what make you care about the story.  Bad characters have no flaws or motivation and do not change.  Don't fall in love with your character at the beginning of the story.  If you do, she'll be Miss Perfect, just like you.  Fall in love with your character as she is going to be at the end of the story.  The protagonist should start like this : ( and end up like this : ).

Remember: A story is an emotion delivery system that should provide catharsis. Great characters are the Gold Standard.  

5.  On the nose dialogue.  There is not such thing as good characters and bad dialogue or vice versa.  They are always, without exception, both good or both bad. 

4.  Too much black.  They just skip dense action lines, so your effort to create novelistic prose-like script is wasted and resented.  Again, it’s 11:30 p.m., reader has a toothache, no dental insurance and still has two more scripts to read. Aim for less black.  Think "white space is the new prose."

Put the reader in the character’s shoes and manipulate her into the movie.

Don't micromanage actors in action lines and give too much detail.  The writer is not the director or actor.

No weird editorials: “This should be shot like that scene in Showgirls…”

Do not recommend actors.

Pop references are all right if they are integral to the story.

Break up action to lead 

EYES

towards the

BOTTOM of the page.

Lubricate...

Use words as 

TRAMPOLINES!

They want to read elegant, 

pithy, 

cinematic ACTION!

And still crankier…

3.  Action Line Interruptus.

Dialogue interrupted by business that means nothing to the story.  It breaks up rhythm.

2.  Adept imitations.  Derivative, unoriginal scripts.

Writers should test their ideas.  Write a logline.  Then come up with 3-4 movies that are in any way like it.  When were they released?  What was the Box Office?  What was the zeitgeist when the movie was released?  Know what kind of movie you are writing.  Is it a Friday night blockbuster or a quite indie for a rainy Sunday afternoon?

Are you feeling empathy yet?

1. Typos.

Readers will overlook a reasonable amount of typos.  It’s considered petty and in bad form to point out typos in coverage.  But if it’s excessive, they're going to mention it because it means it's a writer who has no respect for the English language.  A huge flag is the misuse of homonyms, especially if it's all over the script.  It means it's not a typo and that the writer does not know the difference.

So now you know how to make it easier on yourself.  Make it easy on the reader so that her toothache doesn't get worse and she won’t resent you.  And remember, lubricate, lubricate, lubricate.  You want words that will slide down a white page towards the magical 

FADE OUT.

BTW: The reader tracking board is a myth.  No one has any interest or time to bash a script online.  They might, if ever, talk about a script if it was ridiculously funny, but that’s about it.