Friday, February 05, 2010

I Love to Hate Valentine's Day

I absolutely loathe V-Day. If you take into consideration that 85% of the Valentine cards are purchased by women, that leaves15% purchased by men and children. If you take statistics/polls seriously, that means 70% of those women get zip. It's sad and pathetic. It should really be called Horrible Service at a Restaurant Day or Cheap Stuffed Animal Made in China Day.

I spend this hideous "holiday" in the company of a bucket of lard, aka Chocchocchip Haagen Dasz ice cream and a favorite romantic movie. Yes, in many of the titles below, the lovers don't end up together. I enjoy pining and brooding via proxy. It's a guilty pleasure of mine and I subscribe to the notion that the artist must be unhappy to be creative. Hey, it works for me. So, you won't find Somewhere in Time, The Notebook or Sleepless in Seattle in the list below.

It Happened One Night (Frank Capra)

I fell in love with Claudette Colbert. There is absolutely no kissing or sex, yet it's one of the sexiest movies ever.

The Shop Around the Corner (Ernst Lubitsch)

I fell in love with Jimmy Stewart.

The Awful Truth (Leo McCarey)

I fell in love with Mr. Smith. Best comic performance by a canine ever.

Notorious (Alfred Hitchcock)

It's not about the evil Germans plotting; it's about those four-second kisses between Bergman and Grant. And they are not gonna be eating chicken.

The Apartment (Billy Wilder)

How can you not fall in love with Jack Lemmon, the best actor ever? The man could do it all.

Un Coeur en Hiver (Claude Sautet)

Even though he was a son of a bitch, I fell in love with Daniel Auteil and his character while watching this one. This is my favorite scene. Camille loses it completely, without any regard to pride. I'm envious. I wish I could do that.

Chungking Express (Wong Kar Wai)

I fell in love with Tony Leung when he started talking to inanimate objects.

In The Mood for Love (Wong Kar Wai)

I fell in love with slo-mo Maggie Cheung.

Annie Hall (Woody Allen)

The funniest movie about relationships ever. Actually, funniest movie ever.

Before Sunset (Richard Linklater)

I fell in love with Julie Delpy. The best scene Linklater has ever directed.

Two Days in Paris (Julie Delpy)

If she fulfills her potential as a writer-director, neurotic and hilarious Delpy may just be the female, French Woody Allen.

A Short Film About Love (Krysztof Kieslowski)

My kind of ending: satisfying because it does not have a conclusion.

Three Colors: Red (Krysztof Kieslowski)

Kieslowski made films that connected people and acknowledge a force that's greater than themselves.

Wings of Desire (Wim Wenders)

An angel would never choose to become human just to be with me.

La Notte (Michelangelo Antonioni)

I knew marriage was not for me after watching this one.

Scenes from a Marriage (Ingmar Bergman)

The Piano Teacher (Michael Haneke)

A strange type of love, but still, love.

Talk to Her (Pedro Almodovar)

A dance of perversity, longing and desire.

An Affair of Love (Frederic Fonteyne)

Yep, things are never simple between a man and a woman.

Something's Gotta Give (Nancy Meyers)

There are three reasons to watch this one. Diane Keaton, Diane Keaton and Diane Keaton.

All the Real Girls (David Gordon Green)

Green is not interested in disingenuous clichés and poses, and his rejection of the genre's most hackneyed conventions comes in the form of unabashed sincerity. The love-struck dialogue is spoken with the gravity that comes from people wholly enraptured by their newfound emotions.

Once (John Carney)

My favorite song and scene from the movie.

The Lake House (Alejandro Agresti)

Yep, I confess. I liked it. You know, I'm not a Keanu hater.

The Lovers on the Bridge (Leos Carax)

Children of the Century (Diane Kurys)

Juliette Binoche as Georges Sand. What could be more perfect?

Dolls (Takeshi Kitano)

The Last Mistress (Catherine Breillat)

The Horseman on the Roof (Jean Paul Rappeneau)

And, even though it's flawed, it's close to my heart since it was my first film.

Nocturnal Emissions, Part III

Boy wants girl. Girl talks too much. Love sucks.