Shlomo, asshole, you're a finalist.

A few months ago my aunt posted my new nephew’s first sonogram on Facebook.  He’s almost 3 months but back then he was just a blotch.  But Facebook being Facebook, my aunt went on and on about how beautiful her grandchild was.  He was just a blurry blotch.  She really took what makes Facebook annoying to a new level.  I immediately thought about posting, “Yeah, but he looks like an asshole.” I didn’t because I didn’t want to deal with the aftermath of a public comment making fun of her and the miracle of life.  It’s not easy for me to choke on a good joke but asshole in Spanish sounds a lot worse. 

I didn’t get to call an unborn child an asshole on Facebook and somehow I felt like I needed to get that out.  It’s not just the joke that never was.  I’ve always been creeped out by child birth.  Females carrying a living thing inside them is what horror sci-fi is made of.  I’ve always been disgusted and freaked out about the whole thing.  Maybe I’m alone on this, maybe not, but I’ve never heard another female admit to the freakishness of childbirth.  I needed to work it out.

Almost every story starts with the writer asking herself, “What if?”  What if, in fact, this fetus was an asshole and what if he decided to come out of his mother’s vagina and have a little fun around the house?

So I wrote it for me but submitted to a competition.  I never thought it would get anywhere because the comedy is just too weird and creepy.  Imagining someone’s reaction at reading it was satisfaction enough.  I’ve won that competition three times already and writing a funny script is easy for me.  There are too many people doing the same films with the same shots and the same acting.  I want none of that.  These days I’m only interested in making something that shouldn’t be comedy funny and blurring the lines of genre. 

Yesterday I got notified that I’m a finalist.  That’s nice.  But if you know me you know that doesn’t matter to me.  Only winning does.  I’m pretty sure I was like this as a fetus.

Listen up Funny Girls!

The finalists for the FOX/NYTVF comedy screenwriting competition were announced recently. Out of 25 scripts with 36 writers, only four are women, and only two were solo writers The other two women were in writing teams with men.


Click here for the finalists list.

I would have entered but I didn’t know about it. Also, I don’t write half-hour sitcoms and, honestly, I think the only show I could write for would be Louie.

Put a reminder on your calendar for next year ladies.

Casting Call: The Zip Up

If you’re a regular reader of this blog you may already know I have won two screenplay categories at the Broad Humor Film Festival for two years in a row.  That makes me an alumni and eligible to submit a Legacy Project short.

Toward that end, I’m starting the casting process for The Zip Up, a comedy short.  Please be so kind as to forward the information below to your actor friends as you see fit.

CASTING CALL

Logline: Because she lives alone, a woman goes to great physical lengths to zip up the back of her dress.

Seeking both Union and Non-union actors for two roles: The Woman and The Man

The Woman: Funny, petite to medium size, 20s-30s, striking/quirky/unusual facial features preferred.

Must have great physical and comedic improv skills. There’s a script, but I will rewrite and play to actor’s skills and strengths. This will be a very collaborative process.

The Man: Funny, 20s-30s, open to physical built, but striking/quirky facial features preferred

One-day shoot in early July 2011 in Los Angeles (Silverlake).

Tentative audition dates: June 11, 12, 18 and 19, 2011 in Hollywood.

NO PAY, but you will receive mileage reimbursement, meals, copy, IMDB credit and guaranteed comedy festival play.

Please e-mail headshot, resume and reel (if you have one) to casting@dizzydentfilms.com

Once you are invited to audition, you will receive a location, date and time.

Thank you.

Broad Humor

This weekend I attended the Broad Humor Film Festival as screenplay finalist. It was a fun-filled weekend, and, among many things, I:

1. Spent a total of 6 hours driving to and from Venice.

2. Saw some pretty funny shorts.

3. Met a lot of accomplished filmmakers and screenwriters.

4. Participated in a great screenwriting workshop with Julie Gray.

5. Got some invaluable insights into AFI’s Directing Workshop for Women.

6. Learned that we still need men to move heavy furniture.

8. At the screenwriters’ lab, I heard actors read my Jewish character as Latino and my Latino characters as New Jersey Italians.

9. Indirectly made a woman bawl on her husband’s shoulder. Then cry some more. Then bawl some more until she only had dirty looks left.

10. Won. (See no. 9.)

I will be elaborating on no. 4 for sure, and maybe on other stuff, later in the week.