Production Journal, Heartbreak in ? Cuts: Daggers

I wish I could have been more productive this past weekend because I still have a lot to do in preparation for the shoot this Saturday. I had no idea transferring five rolls of super 8 film to digital would take five hours of my day. It was free, yes, but sometimes it’s better to pay than have to wait for little ole ladies that got there before you to transfer their home movies from 1965. It wasn’t all bad though. I read a whole book (How to Heal the Hurt by Hating) and I got to chat with Moy, the Levi’s Film Workshop volunteer filmmaker that was helping us with the transfer.


I’m always a bit stunned when I come across genuine, passionate people who love to serve and share their knowledge. Moy is a film enthusiast and cinematography student at a college in Los Angeles. We started to chat about the film labs around town and when I complained about Pro8’s shitty customer service he was shocked. He has been dealing with them and the other labs for a long time and told me they give him great rates. That’s when he told me he teaches cinematography workshops on the weekends for free. He believes knowledge should be shared generously and free of charge. (And so do I. This is why I have this blog that no one reads.) He also showed me some of his films on his iPhone. One of them was what he called “anamorphic super 8.” He has been experimenting with anamorphic adapters on super 8 cameras. WHAT? My jaw dropped and my mouth watered with anamorphic super 8 envy.

When I got home I was too mentally exhausted to go prop hunting so I decided to work on the art work for the location.  But not before procrastinating by preparing the slate.

Later that evening I got up the courage to ask San Diego-based musician Nena Anderson for permission to use one of the songs from her latest album. This is always a tricky endeavor because event though you wouldn’t know it from looking at me, I’m pretty shy. It worked really well when I propositioned the Truckee Brothers and I was hoping Nena would say yes. I had already played the song over and over and visualized it along with the film’s images and credits and I was pretty married to the idea.

I’m a firm believer in using original songs and music from indie musicians and composers. Why use a copyrighted song you’re never going to get the rights for anyway instead of giving talented people a chance to showcase their work? It’s pretty tacky and lazy.

This is the email I sent to Nena:

Hi Nena.


As you know, I love your new album and my favorite song is Daggers. It came into my life at the right time: heartbreak. Ha ha ha.


Anyway, I'm shooting a short film next Saturday. It's a comedy called "Heartbreak in __ Cuts." The blank refers to the number of cuts in the editing, so I won't know until the film is finished. It's about a freshly-dumped girl dealing with a broken heart in one day. I think Daggers would be perfect and I would love it if you'd let me use it with film festival rights.


The film is already slated to screen at the Broad Humor Film Festival in Venice and at a curated film exhibition at the Museum of Contemporary Art in San Diego in La Jolla in August. And I plan on submitting to Sundance and other comedy and shorts film festivals.


I hope you're having a nice weekend and to hear from you soon.


Cheers, Teri

Within half an hour, she replied yes and asked me to send over a release. I jumped from my seat elated and of course Pepa got up instantly and we danced and danced across the wooden floor.

Listen to "Daggers" and the whole Beyond the Lights album HERE

So things are coming along pretty nicely and I can’t help but being paranoid. What will go wrong? Other than being dumped by my boyfriend who was supposed to produce the film that is.

Stay tuned.

* * *

P.S. If he were not dead, today would be Stanley’s birthday.

A film is - or should be - more like music than like fiction. It should be a progression of moods and feelings. The theme, what's behind the emotion, the meaning, all that comes later. -- Stanley Kubrick



No. 3: I hate LA because…

It fucking made me cry over an $88 parking ticket. In front of the fucking meter maid.


Every morning I stop at a corner coffee shop, run in and get my espresso. Sometimes there’s parking and sometimes there isn’t so I just park in the red zone because it only takes a minute or two to do my business. The door was barely 10 feet away from the car and meter maid A. Sanchez could have peeked in and said “I’m about to give one of you a ticket.” But no. Instead he entered my license plate at lightning speed since it was literally one minute between the time I got out of the car and the barista alerted me of his presence. He said he wasn’t trying to be an asshole. I wanted to say, you’re right. You’re not trying. You are an asshole. Instead, my emotions got the best of me and I couldn’t hold back the tears. He said “you can go back in and get your coffee, just leave the ticket on the windshield.” What da fuck. I told him I just wanted to get out of there. He looked at me as if he had never seen a woman cry over a ticket. Right.

Or maybe I was just crying because, despite all my efforts in the past four weeks, I still love him.

Happy Monday.

Production Journal: Prequel film stills

Living in Los Angeles forced me to find the beauty in everything. This practice became a tool to keep my sanity. It’s not easy. Almost everything in this city is ugly, dirty, mean and difficult.

Cassavetes: Shadows (Lelia Goldoni Q&A)

This set of videos is from the Lelia Goldoni Q&A before the screening of Shadows back in March at the Cinefamily. Stay tuned for video from the Seymor Cassel, Ben Gazarra, Gena Rowlands Q&As and more. It was an amazing series.  The Cinefamily is putting on some great stuff and you should check it out.

Part 1: Introduction

Lelia talks about her memories of The Silent Film Theatre (now The Cinefamily)
"...films that are important for people who want to be artists to see."



Part 2

The origins of Shadows, leaving Los Angeles for New York and meeting John.



Part 3

"It seemed to me that he was always in a state of discovery, which I think life is actually all about."



Part 4

"There was no character to discuss. It was us."



Part 5

"When you're in a circumstance with those who you know and trust, you are likely to dare to do things more on a personal level."



Part 6

"It was the doing of it."

Art in the Streets

If you're in Los Angeles or near by, don't miss MOCA's Art in the Streets exhibition. It ends August 8th. It's one of the best exhibits I've ever seen.

From the website:

Art in the Streets is the first major U.S. museum survey of graffiti and street art. Curated by MOCA Director Jeffrey Deitch and Associate Curators Roger Gastman and Aaron Rose, the exhibition will trace the development of graffiti and street art from the 1970s to the global movement it has become today, concentrating on key cities such as New York, Los Angeles, San Francisco, London, and Sao Paulo, where a unique visual language or attitude has evolved. The exhibition will feature paintings, mixed media sculptures, and interactive installations by 50 of the most dynamic artists and will emphasize Los Angeles's role in the evolution of graffiti and street art, with special sections dedicated to seminal local movements such as cholo graffiti and Dogtown skateboard culture. A comprehensive timeline illustrated with artwork, photos, video, and ephemera will provide a historical context for the work.

Production Journal (Heartbreak in ? Cuts*): I am NOT alone.

Ok, so I was making a list of all the stuff I need to do this weekend for my shoot next Saturday and of course I start freaking out. It’s been a while since I shot a film with actors and a crew and I had forgotten what freaking out feels like. I freak out in silence by the way. No one has ever seen me freak out. Well, my dog Pepa saw me four weeks ago when my boyfriend dumped me and it’s funny because what a coincidence that’s what my comedy short is about. *wink*


I’m not freaking out over the stuff I have to do. I just have to do it. But making a list of stuff I have to do makes me think about the unknowns. In this case, they are big fucking unknowns. I’m working with two actors I’ve never worked with before. The female lead is great, funny and quirky and I’m not worried she’ll deliver. Still, I don’t know what it’s going to be like working with her. I don’t want to disappoint her. The other actor is Pepa.

The biggest unknown is working with a brand new camera. I wouldn’t have an issue with a film camera, but I’m using the Canon 5D Mark II DSLR. It’s not a proper video camera and, frankly, the post production issues I’ve heard about are giving me nightmares. (Last night I dreamed I had sex with Morley Safer because he was an expert on the camera. Yup. Whore for film.) I confess that I lack in post production expertise. Start talking about compression rates and smoke starts to come out of my ears.

So while I was beginning to hyperventilate in silence, I check my email and see that my friend Giancarlo Ruiz can come and help me with the shoot next weekend. You cannot imagine the relief I felt. Giancarlo is a filmmaker from Mexico and he does it all; well-rounded artistically and technically savvy as well. You have to be that kind of filmmaker when your resources are limited. Earlier this week I told him about my neuroses about this shoot and he replied to me with long, jargon-filled paragraphs about how to handle the heavy footage from the 5D. I freaked out even more and that’s when I asked him to participate. And now I have the good news that he is and I can relax for a bit.

Now I just basically have to worry about making Tic Tacs look like sleeping pills and Pepa hitting her marks.

Tomorrow it’s off to telecine the super 8 footage for Prequel, the other film.

*Note: The question mark refers to the number of cuts in the edit, which is unknown at this time.

Production Journal (Prequel): The promise of something great.

What a relief. I just received my processed super 8 film. Safe and sound. One less thing to be anxious about.


Now I have to deal with the anticipation and the excitement. What exactly did I capture on film? I won’t know until Saturday when I telecine. The wait is killing me, but I must be a masochist because it’s also exhilarating. I guess this is why I love shooting film and not video. With video, it’s right there in front of you. There are no surprises. You know pretty much what you’re getting.

It seems I’m always trying to relive the moment when I made my first print in the darkroom. Sliding the piece of paper in the tray filled with Dektol and seeing the image slowly appear was one of the most exciting moments of my life.

Perhaps I cling to film because it has always had within it the promise of something great. So I will continue to shoot film until they take it away from me.


“You want to make a film? Steal a camera, steal film stock, sneak in to a lab and do it." - Werner Herzog, from Werner Herzog Eats His Shoe

No. 2: I hate L.A. because...

there's too much to see and do.

AND TOO LITTLE TIME.

live art
MAKE art

No. 1: I hate L.A. because…

Sometimes it makes me think of my birthplace.

Everyone hates L.A.  Even people that have never been here.

Why do you hate it?

Production Journal, Prequel: Film is not dead.

I went out to shoot super 8 footage around my Los Angeles this weekend. First, I stopped to get a car wash, because frankly, it’s embarrassing when your car is crunchier than a granola bar. While I was shooting the workers at the car wash an angry Mexican man ran after me flinging his arms and shaking his head. “You can’t photography in car wash!” I gave him my best “the hell I can’t look” but he continued to yell at me.


“Why not?”
“No, you can’t!”
“Why the hell not?”
A louder “No you can’t!”

I switched to Spanish to appeal to our shared Mexican heritage. “But I’m an artist. This is for the museum. Museum. You know the museum? No one is going to see it. Don’t worry about La Migra."

He replied, in English, “No. No. No photography the car wash.”

I wanted to tell him that this was precisely the reason why I was making this film. To give him and his oppressed brethren a face and a voice of some sort. But I didn’t and I sat down in the waiting area. It didn’t take long before the parade of brown, sweaty and exhausted faces rubbing cars with dirty red rags flared up my itch to continue shooting. The hell with it. I can deal with getting yelled at again. So I started to shoot intermittently while the man that chastised me came and went. It was difficult to keep it on the down low because a toddler was fascinated with my camera and kept trying to grab it. His mother did nothing about it even after I told her I didn’t like kids. A few minutes later their car was ready and they left. I continued to shoot, trying to zoom in the faces. Then a girl and her father sat down next to me and at hearing the camera’s motor running the little girl stood up and planted herself in front of me totally invading my personal space. Her father asked me, “Film?”

Yes, FILM. FILM. And can you get your daughter away from me and my camera please? Thank you.

Note: A week ago I could have grinned and put up with these kids’ affronts. If I appear too direct is because it seems I caught some strange bug that doesn’t allow me to put up with any more bullshit. I have no idea how long it will last but so far it’s working for me.

He replied, “Film? Really? Film? No video? Film?”

“FILM!” Then I saw the worker’s arm go up and wave the rag. My car was ready. I gave him a tip and headed for MacArthur Park.

I’ve driven by MacArthur Park many times on my way home from work and the closest I ever get on foot is when going to Langer’s Deli for the Number 19, which is not often. Thinking about a perfect pastrami sandwich, I've seen a multitude of tired, poor people come and go from one end of the street to the other. I saw but I didn’t really see.

I parked, loaded the camera and got out of the car. I looked around and then photographed a continuous 360 degree shot. Then I heard a voice ask, “Film?” I lowered my camera and saw a man whiz by me, still asking, “Film?”

Yes, film!

I felt intimidated and completely out of my element. Was I there to be exploitative for the sake of my art? Recently I was called, among other expletives, a “bitch snob” by the man I loved and I’m feeling wounded, insecure and vulnerable. These emotions can destroy a filmmaker’s courage. I tried to zoom in the people’s faces, first with my eyes. I had to be sure of myself before I could intrude with my camera. What right did I have? This film wasn’t really about them. It was about me. A self-portrait in a particular place and time. I was there to see with my lens, not my eyes, and to try to make sense of my life. I had lied to the angry man at the car wash. The oppressed my ass.

“The message is not in the code. The code is the message,” I thought.

I walked around, shooting, zooming, changing the frame rate, dodging angry homeless, ignoring men’s hissing advances, hoping the birds wouldn’t shit on my head, feeling sorry for those people, for me, for everyone. We’re all thrown in together in this cruel city, but we couldn’t be more far apart.

Still, even though I feel alone with my minced heart, I’m still so lucky for so many reasons. I’ve been alone and then I wasn’t and now I’m alone again. But being alone again is different now. Something has changed. Before, reality seemed inaccessible to me. Something was denying me the true perception of reality. This was it. My fear of the future demanded that I change the images of the past and present.

Then, another guy walked by and asked, “film?”

Yes, film.

Prequel

Still from Prequel

I'm working on a short expressive documentary entitled Prequel. I suppose it's my own version of Chris Marker's Sans Soleil and Guy Maddin's My Winnipeg shot on video and super 8 film.  We'll see. The film will screen on August 25, 2011 at the Museum of Contemporary Art, San Diego in La Jolla. More details to come.

I hope to see you there.

Still from Prequel

This is why he’s King of the World!

“Pick up a camera. Shoot something. No matter how small, no matter how cheesy, no matter whether your friends and your sister star in it. Put your name on it as director. Now you’re a director. Everything after that you’re just negotiating your budget and your fee.” —James Cameron

I’ve said it and you don’t pay attention to me. Cameron is saying it. Do what he says. Godammit. Make your own goddam film.

A lesson learned and earned.

I've had this poem on my refrigerator for a couple of years now. I didn't really know what it meant until a few days ago.  I continue my journey, thankful for the knowledge.

"there are worse things

than being alone

but it often takes

decades to realize this

and most often when you do

it's too late

and there's nothing worse

than too late"

— Charles Bukowski

Listen up Funny Girls!

The finalists for the FOX/NYTVF comedy screenwriting competition were announced recently. Out of 25 scripts with 36 writers, only four are women, and only two were solo writers The other two women were in writing teams with men.


Click here for the finalists list.

I would have entered but I didn’t know about it. Also, I don’t write half-hour sitcoms and, honestly, I think the only show I could write for would be Louie.

Put a reminder on your calendar for next year ladies.