Rules for Being 24 or 42

Susan Sontag’s Rules + duties for being 24

 1.Have better posture.

 2.Write Mother 3 times a week.

 3.Eat less.

 4.Write two hours a day minimally

 5.Never complain publicly about Brandeis [University] or money.

 6.Teach [SS's toddler son] David to read.

 

Then, several weeks later, Sontag resolves:

DON’T

1.Criticize publicly anyone at Harvard –

 2.Allude to your age (boastfully, mock-respectfully, or otherwise)

 3.Talk about money

 4.Talk about Brandeis

 

DO

 1.Shower every other night

2.Write Mother every other day

 

Teri Carson’s Rules and Duties for being 42ish

DO:

1.     Say you do yoga even if you don’t so people can shut up about it already

2.     Mother your pets only 3 times a day

3.     Eat less Nutella directly from the jar

4.     Write before you feel unbearable shame

5.     Never complain publicly about the size of your date's penis

6.     Teach your nephews and nieces the difference between your and you’re, and there and their

7.     Shave in the shower every other day otherwise your bush will look like Chewbacca