Production Journal, Heartbreak in 209 Cuts: First Fail and Blah Blah Blah

I finished the mix last night and decided I wasn’t going to touch the film for a while. So the edit stands until I come up with brilliant, artistic ideas to make it better. I’m coming down from creative euphoria and beginning to feel fatigue. If I let myself I’ll become exhausted, but I can’t. Not yet. I have to get the film out of my computer and into the world as soon as possible. I will try to do so by Friday night because I really want Sunday to be a day of lazy movie watching from the couch. And NOT my movie. I’m craving Bergman.


Because I wanted to test the film today on one of my work’s expensive flat screen televisions, I tried to author an HD DVD with DVD Pro last night. I’ve only used iDVD which is very easy to figure out. I had never opened DVD Pro and it was clear you really had to know what you were doing. I did not, of course I did not, but it didn’t stop me from going for it. Why not? It’s the theme of my life at this moment. I just messed around dragging and dropping until it worked. I went to bed and this morning I had a “success” message and the computer had spit out the burned DVD.

I then tried to play it and, after a few seconds, the film would just restart and stop in the same place, and so on. Oh well. I guess I’ll have to watch that handy instruction DVD that comes with FCP that tells you exactly how to do it right.

I haven’t submitted any films via Withoutabox in a while and was shocked to see how much their prices have gone up for the “power submitter” packages. It’s such bullshit. I’m not giving them and IMDB any of my money especially since my name didn’t come up when I was entering the crew’s information. Giancarlo’s and Sylvia’s did. I have several IMDB credits and I don’t understand why my name is not linking. This irks me to no end. I’m still stewing over a director friend of mine who added me to his project and somehow fucked up and gave me the “alternate name” of “Jose Perez.” That’s his name. I’ve tried many times to remove it and those fuckers won’t. Maybe I should just change my name to Jose Perez and THEN my name will pop up on WAB. I can imagine people looking at my page and wondering, “So, wait, she’s a tranny?” Fakkk.

Also, I didn’t bother to write a logline and a short synopsis before logging into WAB, so I had to write “blah blah blah” in the box in order to skip to the next category of information. I hate writing loglines and synopses. It really requires a lot of thinking that really doesn’t apply to the type of stories I tell. Or so I like to think. Being vague and misleading is annoying. Being literal is boring. Being provocative to stand out is hard. It’s difficult to strike the right balance and I hate to be put in that position. But it’s necessary. So that’s what I will be doing today. When I’m done procrastinating.

One of the things I did while procrastinating was to read the Sundance submission FAQ. Yes that’s how far I can go. I was planning on mailing my film on Monday thinking it was a postmark deadline. Wrong. It’s a “received by” deadline. I called the festival’s office to find out their office hours. Nine to five. That means I’ll have to drive all the way from Silverlake to Beverly Hills Monday morning before work. Wilshire Boulevard on a Monday morning. It’s not very indie of Sundance to have offices in Beverly Hills. They should be down the street from me. At least I live in LA and I can do that, but is my time worth it just to save $15? I have to ponder that a bit more.

OK, have to go clean the employee bathroom and then offer to get everyone’s lunch and then I will I sit down to write the goddamn logline and synopsis. But first, a muffin. Maybe a banana nut muffin…

Production Journal, Heartbreak in 209 Cuts: 7:21:20

IN

209

CUTS

I sent a draft to a few trusted colleagues/friends and their impressions and suggestions enabled me to cut down the film to an acceptable (to me) running time of 7:21:20. And that’s including credits. I counted 209 cuts and that's the title I'm sticking to. All there is left to do is a few minor sound and title sequence adjustments and the film is good to go. That is, if I can figure out Toast.


I’ve always been envious that my Tijuana filmmaker buddies are able to tackle all aspects of post-production on their own. In the past I’ve had editors, sound designers and mixers and others to do the title sequences. This time, it was all me. I won’t say that I created wonders, but I’m happy with the results and I feel I’ve grown tremendously as a filmmaker. I won’t lie. More than a couple of times I was able to do something by accident. Mostly, it was by trial and error but without much struggle, which was very surprising. Very surprising. Just like when a baby is learning to walk, decides to go for it fully expecting to fall and then is shocked when he doesn’t.

Every step I’ve taken forward started out paranoid and lacking in confidence. That’s why I can’t believe that I conceived a film (that doesn’t suck) and finished it in five weeks. This proves that you have to make up your mind to do something and then have a set deadline. I’ve learned a lesson and I hope it sticks. However, I think I will stay neurotic, paranoid and expect the worst because, after all, this is no budget filmmaking.  That way, I'll always be pleasantly surprised.

Production Journal, Heartbreak in ? Cuts: On my ass, having a blast.

On my drive to work today a bizarre feeling took over me. At first I couldn’t even recognize it so I started to think about it while I just went with it. I feel like a chick flick cliché. I never would have imagined that in the span of only 5 weeks I’d be my most miserable and most happy. I didn’t even go on a soul-searching trip to Tuscany or fuck a hot guy. How does that happen? I asked myself if I should take the credit. Of course at first I was reluctant, but I couldn’t really give it to anyone else this time. I made a decision to work through pain and disappointment and the result is in me now. Whatever that is. OK. Fine. We’ll call it “happiness.” I know one thing for sure: it’s all in the doing.

Yesterday I spent 14 hours editing, on my ass, and I wouldn’t have stopped if it hadn’t been for the two times I had to pee and the other two I had to play with my dog who was miserable to be stuck indoors the whole day. I didn’t eat because I didn’t get hungry. That’s the way it is when you’re doing something you love. When you’re having a total blast.

How does a 4-page script turn into an 8-minute film (without credits)? You give it to me to shoot and edit. Now the real stressful work begins. I have to figure out what’s best for the film and to recognize where I’m being self-indulgent. I know I’ll have to kill quite a few babies to get the screen time down. Five years ago this wouldn’t have been an issue. I was more than okay with being idiosyncratic and I have the 17-minute film to prove it. I don’t have an editor next to me quoting Walter Murch every five minutes, trying to convince me why a sequence must die. This time is just me against me. Lordy.

For once, I really feel like da bomb and believe it’s true. I’ve surprised myself and right now I don’t know what to do with the emotions that come with it. I guess I’ll just go with it.

I’ll revel in my personal accomplishments, including conquering several paralyzing fears, until I have to do the titles on PhotoShop and my confidence is again shut down. Fuck you PhotoShop!

Heartbreak in ? Cuts: Teaser 1

My first attempt at uploading HD on Vimeo.

Heartbreak in ? Cuts: Screenshots 2

Heartbreak in ? Cuts: First Set of Screenshots

to be continued...

Production Journal, Heartbreak in ? Cuts: Washing Away

This is the part where I usually have very funny anecdotes about everything that went wrong. I suppose if you’re paranoid and expect the worst then you are pleasantly surprised when nothing goes wrong. Well, nothing did and I’m beyond pleasantly surprised; I’m flabbergasted. Things seem to have worked out beautifully ever since I conceived this story while running my ass off trying to get over my painful break up five weeks ago. Had I not been treated like trash, I would have never made this film. Wait, so am I saying that I’m glad I got dumped so that I could think of this story and make THIS film? Yes, I think I am. I am. That’s how crazy filmmakers are.


I’m reminded of this scene:

This film is me through and through; it represents my point of view.  While we were shooting I told my crew that if you don’t laugh at all the shit that happens to you then you’re fucked.  Does that mean I’m an optimist?  I don’t know and don’t care. I’m just very thankful I get to do this instead of going to a shrink.  Money better spent.

My Crew of Ruiz’s was a gift from the filmmaking gods.  They did the work of 10 people, more or less, but more importantly, they got it and had fun.  They made me cook them breakfast but I let that slide because I was in a generous mood and because of them I was free to focus on the creative aspects of directing and ordering lunch. 

My DP (Giancarlo Ruiz), Ruiz 1, got what I wanted to do visually (maybe because we both have twisted senses of humor) and delivered it.  How often does that happen?  It was so easy to let go of my anal attachment to the camera because I trusted him.  And I’m loving the results.

The sound dude, Ruiz 2, was a close friend/family who had never been on a film set before.  He learned to operate the sound equipment right there and then and as far as I can tell, he got great sound.  I never doubted him.  The AC, Ruiz 3, was also new to a film set, worked her ass off and did a great job.

I was pretty nervous about working with a new actor.  Sylvia (Panacione) was a joy to work with.  She was willing to try anything and took direction very well. That’s the mark of a trained professional.  She had great instincts and came up with some very funny improv on the spot.  I told her she could try anything and if it wasn’t any good it wouldn’t be on the film.  (I learned that from Lelia Goldoni). Yes, it’s true, 90% of directing is casting. 

It’s the trust that John Cassavetes and his people talked about.  It’s about who’s around you helping you make your vision a reality.  When it works, it’s magical.

And then there was my Peeps.  Pepa. Pepita the untrained supporting canine.  She would hit her marks perfectly, but mostly when the camera wasn’t rolling.  She was happy to have a house full of people, but I think at some point she was too tired and just wanted to go to bed.  She’s a method actor and it worked out perfectly.  It was a huge risk to write her in, but it paid off.

My confidence wanes and I have to remind myself constantly I don’t want to let down those who helped and supported me in this endeavor.  So yup.  It’s really up to me to fuck it up or make it work.  

“I’m making this film to exorcise a pain in my soul that just won’t go away, like oil stains. I wash my clothes with movies.”—Alex de la Iglesia